But I guess that just like a crab, everyone of us wants to be noticed, grabbed -- now that sounds better and not ignored. In the sea of events, in the ocean of the human population, how does one get by?
When I was young, I wanted to remain unnoticeable. I didn't want people to notice that I was just like anybody else... a nobody. I just wanted to sit in the corner and stay in my piece of solitary space. (Now I'm starting to sound like someone I used to know) As an only child, I had to content myself being alone. My mother tending to her "carinderia" (very small rural/traditional eating place), and my father (hopefully) keeping the peace and fighting crime.
I wasn't sociable at all. I already know that I was frailer than the average kid, smaller, and my mother, too protective for comfort. So I learned to enjoy solitude, through a box full of cheap toys. I mostly spent my time designing controls for a fighter spacecraft under the kitchen sink, making "tau-tauhans" (small toy soldiers) fight an epic battle, break the kitchen knife by using it on wood so that i could make my own Thompson machine gun the neighborhood kid keeps flaunting and of course, my favorite past time... daydream.
So therefore, most of the reason why i wasn't able to do what i had to was because I spent a lot of time daydreaming. That's with the not so occasional disturbances from life. The kind of stuff that will shake you from your slumber, drag you off your feet kind of event and literally keep you on your toes.
But then again, when all the commotion is over, I go back to my favorite... daydream!
I spent so much time daydreaming when I was younger, that I literally became a half baked person. No singular "core competency" as I'd hear from the academicians, ... just a bunch of stuff that I know that I never became an expert on. I daydreamed about being a rock artist so i learned the guitar... not as good as I hoped to be and I doubt if I eve will. I wanted to be an artist so I learned how to draw, paint and sculpt... again.. the skills aren't above par with some people I know. I wanted to be scholarly... now that's the funny part, I didn't like to study that much about something specific and ultimately would be of no use.. although I must admit, I dreamt that too. I wanted to be like the other musicians who plays piano, and of course I'm just a mediocre piano player...
So every twist and turn of my life and my career was always based on a "daydream"... something I wanted for the moment, something I was obsessed about for a given period of time... something I craved like a delicacy that ultimately will make your taste buds numb...
So now, here I am... Jack of all trades, master of none...
But then again, I look back... and there was almost nothing that I haven't done... and for choosing not do what I had to... I am here... maybe a better person than what my mother had hoped for. For not having subscribed to the things i had to do... but rather, I allowed myself to do what I wanted to.
Note: I am only sorry about some things in life... like not having kept a promise, pretended to be "normal" and not having my parents see me today... the boy they raised. I know that my mother and father belonged to completely opposite poles so i try my best to hopefully make them proud of me, wherever they are.
judging from the looks of it... my son would be a window washer, a professional museum thief, a billboard installer, a gymnast... or the CEO of a top 2000 corporation scaling greater heights...
whatever he chooses, it will be up to him... (I'm crossing my fingers on that one)
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