Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Come on, Daddy! Let's Play! Is mostly what I hear from my five year old when I'm at home.
Yesterday, a bunch of my employees came over the house to gang-fix my 26-year old gate. It was fixed and coated with rust oxide before sunset and we took the rest of the time drinking at the bar. So after the session, and after Miro spiked the appetizer sauce with pieces of nachos, we played this spelling game in his pc, 'til we felt sleepy.
He's still asleep, My PLDT DSL calls asking about the connection which was intermittent and I was informed that they were on the way here when I stumbled upon a file in my notebook of Miro's art work he did a couple of days ago. It's pretty "nice" I guess, but tells a lot about his personality and the difficulties he might be facing coming of age.
You see, my son is a bit delayed and advanced at the same time. Making him "unique" in a way. He's fascinatingly good with computers and gadgets but lacks the social skills of children his own age. But with professional assistance, we hope to remedy the situation and hope for the best.
Neverthless, Miro will always be special and gifted at the same time and I won't mind.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Being Vice President of a company where your employees are predominantly gay is not easy. Believe me, there are times where your tolerance capacity is put to the test. But being gay these days does not necessarily refer to your sexual preference. It has become a “sub-culture” where anyone can be gay with how things are done and the overall attitude behind it all. Most especially in this country, the gay lingo seems to have superseded other kinds of talk. I hear it from women, straight men… virtually everyone.
I find it harder to digest when women try to out-gay the gays. Despite the “fun” atmosphere it promotes, such attitude should be practiced in the right context. Don’t get me wrong, I am a loud person and I enjoy the company of my employees most of whom are gays, especially during drinking sessions or light moments, but addressing superiors in gay lingo just isn’t my thing. It might work for some but it sure as hell doesn’t work for me.
Yesterday, on my way to work, I got a call from my Executive Director about a confrontation between two marketing personnel. One higher than the other, they were already warned by the ED that their “casual” and “too comfortable” relationship might lead to confrontation… and so it came to pass.
Same thing with addressing your employees and the treatment as well as your relationship with them, a certain amount of decorum is expected in order to reap the benefits of the golden rule. As it has been said, “familiarity breeds contempt”.
Apparently, the higher of the two called the other “tanga” in front of everyone and so the strain almost turned into a cat fight. The derogatory term was apparently meant to be a joke but was taken serious. Hell, if someone called me that I’d kick in their teeth, too.
And that, for me, is the problem. Some people seemingly are not shaped to have moral ascendancy above others because with the little power they have they wield it like some kind of a trophy. Ascendancy simply means that you have to be at your best at all times… but the other thing is… Will you best be good enough?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
It's past the half year mark and here we are constantly struggling to keep the business afloat with all the things seemingly not going our way. It may be too early to judge our performance at the moment but given the track meter so far, i doubt if we'd make the mark this year.
These are, I believe disheartening times, when everything you do and everything else seems to be soooo wrong.
But then again, life is a cycle. And this moment feels much like the times when I was so pissed off with my last job in a UN programme. Of course, comparing the situation back then at that hideous place would be unfair for us at the moment.
The worst part? My personal life isn't half as good either. The stress makes me eat uncontrollably and constantly craving for food after having thought that maintaining a 29 inch waistline would be a cinch. I had all of my 32' trousers altered and now have have sweltering marks on my waist since I have regrown back to my original size. And with my financial situation, I probably couldn't afford a new set of wardrobe. buhuhuhu...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
After having been away from the office for five days, I was greeted by one of them "no brainer" case where two of our employees had tangled themselves into something which I honestly think is a substantial reason for their wives and family members to nag them to oblivion.
Earlier this week, I was given a heads up by my security officer about an employee timing in another employee... a company rule and regulation violation with a sanction of dismissal with just cause. The more senior of the employee ordered our gardener to time him in in his absence. This case snow-balled into a full blown investigation revealing that it has happened in the past and the offense being habitual.
When called upon, they could not say anything in their defense. And despite the fact that in my melancholic state I was not in the mood to fire anyone given the present economic circumstance, the action to be taken is obvious... Just follow the book.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The measure of men
It has been my practice for the longest time to measure future peers, workmates, business partners on the terms and conditions that “invino veritas” implies. The state of drunkenness exposes a man’s persona and presents in all of its glory, the true character of a person.
That I guess is the reason as to why I always seek feedback from my childhood friend as to my behavior on nights of drunkenness. Speaking of which, ah… ok, I finally mustered enough energy, time and angst to finally blog again.
On the job…
I hate it here already. I don’t even know what the hell I’m still doing here but I am still here. I have my reasons just like everyone else. The state of nothingness has further deteriorated with the fact that the situation has made life a lot more unbearable. There is no moving forward, only backwards.
Am I burning out? Perhaps I am.
Anyway, I’ve already said time and time again that there is no more room for advancement in this organization and having accepted that a long time ago meant that I should not be feeling the way I feel now… but I do. And that’s the problem, if I don’t resolve this issue inside my head and heart, then should I just stress myself to death everyday? Should I just be complacent and happy with what I have? Should I believe that this is a passing thing?
Parables… because I can’t even pin-point what is wrong. Or maybe I can, there are just too many things right now that pisses me off that it might take the entire day to write about. I’ve got a free loader “friend” wannabe who is starting to get on my nerves; An employee that I don’t want to see because she’ll eat up a lot of my time on “trivial” concerns; Another one who seems just a tad unfit to manage given his penchant for nepotism and patronage; A senior manager who has over estimated his belief upon himself and his capabilities; and finally a business that won’t run as proper as it should because of all of the above.
The issue I guess is complacency or it could be “acceptance” of a fate that is imminent anyway. It has become the culture of this company and that very same culture I what ill put this organization in harm’s way.
We’ll have our second passing in the family very soon… after my father-in-law, my mother-in-law will follow soon. It’s a normal thing, like they say, no one gets out alive except that it happened with my parents way earlier than normal but I guess that everyone has a tragedy every once in a while --- no one is exempt.
The other night, I was just on a different mood swing and I was asked if I was angry. I said I am more jealous that anything else that my parents didn’t make it this far nor did I have the resources to finance a more comfortable passing. But in many ways, I must admit that my parent’s tragedy triggered my eagerness and desire to succeed and so goes my “chicken and the egg” paradigm.
My elder cousin commends me on my disposition in life, a packaging of some sorts wherein I seem to be unaffected by life’s daily hassles. I simply said that this is what I am and it is both a curse and a blessing.
After the exhilaration of having done a live performance last February for the homecoming and having proven to myself that at forty one I can still manage a full set, I am down to a most depressing state. I have not written a single piece of music for over a year. My last album was “paalam” which I have decided to keep to myself and listen to in the confines of my pc.
I want to write something… but the urge and the inspiration never comes anymore. My life has turned musically mundane over the last years that there isn’t a moment I’d felt I’d need to capture in music. It’s a pathetic feeling really. I am comforted by the fact that my livelihood is not dependent on it… not that I’m any good in it in the first place but nevertheless the situation makes me feel empty.
After watching the HULK in HBO, since I’ve never watched anything on a big screen or the longest time, sometimes I wish that I could just be unleashed. But then again, I’m not much into spandex.