the manager is a father...

so surround youself with competent employees, because it is your responsibility.

This was a part of a series of management seminars we undertook as a team for the company. You'll have to excuse my english here. I have a mixed group, there are Korean and Filipino managers in our company so I had to adjust to what most of them could appreciate. Anyway, this will be one in a series of rants for this blog.

Making Sense of the Senseless

In the hurried world of business, enterprise and management, one goes through a day with “chopsuey” thoughts and concerns. These days, planning a day becomes difficult and complex as you ask questions to yourself about who to meet, why, and the significance of a meeting or even casual conversation. Most times, a planned conversation with an agenda in mind becomes irrelevant simply because it has been planned. The candidness, where one can expect a more truthful sharing of information is lost if a pattern or a plan is followed. -- Well I guess that all depends on what one wants anyway.

Several weeks ago, this company went through a dilemma over the scheduled legal holiday season. The kind of dilemma we go through every year being an enterprise involved in the entertainment and tourism industry. In my mind, the dilemma should not have happened, but since it did, then that means that we have not learned anything for the past five years... and apparently, such is the case. In cases like these, I am reminded very much of the two terms that I have learned while I was still involved in development work, REACTIVE VS. PROACTIVE.

allwords.com defines reactive as showing a reaction; liable to react; sensitive to stimuli, while proactive was defined as actively initiating change in anticipation of future developments, rather than merely reacting to events as they occur.

These words are two of the many favorites I have had since taking on a management position in this company and I have taken a liking to them in analyzing situations or at least in pretending to understand and analyze a situation.

As a manager, I would always want to be proactive in my stance... no matter what. That's basically because I do not want to get entangled in a mess that I know could have been prevented in the first place. But that's me... and I hope and wish that all my managers would think the same. Then again, sometimes I wish that the rest of the executives would be the same. However, there is this slight surge of logic that runs through me in defense of being reactive.

I would like to examine how a person perceives a necessary possession, let's say, a car. Being a proactive person, I like the feeling of security knowing that there is nothing wrong with it and therefore the chances of being compromised in the middle of the street becomes almost nil. This we call, PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE. This used to be the reason why I always get pissed off with my driver because something always seems to be wrong with the car. Now that I'm driving it by myself (don't worry, I didn't fire him, he's on medical leave after crashing my motorcycle on Christmas day), everything seems to be okay.

So getting back to the topic...

Being proactive or practicing preventive maintenance on your vehicle is way more expensive than it should be. Imagine paying for a new battery even before the old one dies. I think that mere mortals like myself would much rather squeeze to the last drop our car battery's life or better yet, buy a new one, place it in the trunk and then wait for the old one to actually die before installing the new battery.

I guess that managing a company is as much pressure filled to an investor or an executive as it is to the average Joe thinking about a buck he's saved squeezing the last ounce of energy from a car's battery. I know that the comparison is way much simplified, and that the bottom line seems to revolve around the "buck" but I guess that in today's society, life does revolve around it, no matter how much we deny that fact. With companies, the buck ensures our existence as an organization.

Of course, there is also that logic stating that preventive maintenance ultimately saves you money in the long run because it prevents your vehicle from suffering bigger damages resulting from allowing damaged parts to interact with good parts. But this assumption is only applicable assuming that you have the money to burn in the first place… So what if you don’t?

An organization, much like a car runs on the same principle, except that the parts feel,… parts meaning the members of this organization, parts meaning the employees – rank and file, supervisors, managers, executives plus the shareholders. And unlike car parts, they can’t simply be thrown away without the repercussions that will follow. And I’m not even talking about the repercussions you might have in mind, I meant that the best part of my job is when I hire people and say “welcome”, the worst is when I have to say goodbye.

This hint of being human in the face of managing a large organization simply exemplifies to me that two terms are much closely related to one word. – Sensitivity. Being proactive simply means that one must be very sensitive to know when things are about to happen and therefore be able to remedy a situation even before it does happen, if not, being reactive simply means that you must be sensitive enough to react when a situation is at hand.

Note:
Again, my apologies for posting a blog on my consistent incoherence. I guess that I just needed to blabber again.

To the people who made me...

from the album "FREEDOM"
2001 casie villarosa / sunset records limited
produced by Marcel Magsino and Joey dela Vega

Five years or so ago, I worked with people who had no idea what it was like to be human enough... I dedicate these songs to all of them, and people like them. And with the sincerest gratitude, I 'd like to say thank you... for making me a better man...

casie villarosa - JUDAS



casie villarosa - FREEDOM

these things i miss...

Here's a list of things I so dearly miss...

• writing poetry under the shade of a mango tree... which unfortunately is not there anymore because "Milenyo" tore it to shreds.
• writing lyrics for my songs in cigarette packaging riding public utility in the middle of rush hour traffic
• jamming with Jun Domingo, Jun San Pedro and Tony Robles (that means pounding away at the drum set until Jun SP runs out of scales and scale variations to play which meant a hefty work out)
• watching the rain from a bedroom window
• riding my motorcycle at 2 pm from Quezon City to Dasmariñas, Cavite and appreciate 160 kph
• figuring out what the hell my band mates are arguing about (chords that I have never heard of my entire life)
• working ala-chain gang style with Joey, Kuya Jake, Diko Francis, and Sangkong Mando, removing debris, grasses, and unwanted plants in our aunt's garden
• playing on stage
• cleaning a guitar... every square inch of it
• knowing all the names and details of every employee of this company
• getting my hands dirty fixing a motorcycle
• asking how much a bottle of beer costs and computing in my head how many I could afford
• my entire salary (I usually spend it before I earn it)
• talking to a friend about nothing at all
• daydreaming

lookin' like this!

The Office New Year's Party

December 28, 2006 --- it was a night to remember

casie villarosa - I'll Be

casie villarosa - unwell

some anecdotes from people i know... with...

What do I think a manager should be like to become ascendant in the eyes of their subordinates?

"Nung lumapit ka sa akin, ang sabi mo ay kailangan mo ng trabaho, kaya binigyan kita... ngayon naman humihirit ka pa ng sweldo?" (you came to me and asked for a job so I gave you one, now you want salary, too?)

"Pinangakuan na nga kita... ngayon gusto mo pang tuparin ko?"
(I already promised... now you want me to keep it too?)

If these would be told during "barkada" time, (hanging out), it would solicit laughter. Not to be misinterpreted as a cruel joke, but most times, there is a certain truth to these phrases. In life, we will always have to deal with association. That basically means interacting with another human being. At work, at play... interaction is part of our daily life.

Last night, I scheduled a drinking session for the members of the engineering department who are presently working on the roof deck of the building. It was sort of like their time with the Vice President, to talk about the everyday things in their lives inside the company and personal matters as well.

I have kidded them about their tans and told them that they should have invited me next time they go to the beach. I appreciate the fact that they have sacrificed so much working on the roof in anticipation of the rainy season given this terrible heat wave we have this summer.

Of course, my personal belief of "IN VINO VERITAS" -- in wine there is truth, something I learned from a friend, classmate and colleague of mine from the past, allows for a comfortable discussion, sets the mood, and loosens up the tongue... mine and theirs'.

Naturally, a bit of the session turns a bit nasty as to be expected and it was of course, natural. Most of the guys in the room were my direct subordinates when we started the company some five and a half years ago. I was then the musical director and concurrently the art director as well as the art department manager so I knew well enough how difficult it was to be in their shoes. I still remember the time when I was promoted to Executive Technical Director and I had to leave them behind to someone whose moral ascendancy and integrity as a person, a leader and a manager was questionable. There was a petition signed in my old office by these guys on a t-shirt with the slogan "we want casie back at the art department". I was flattered, but I was not about to allow a mini-coupe to happen... not in any department, mine or someone else'.

A lot of other similar events transpired the following years with all the departments and I guess my job ultimately became the damage control officer for the company... most of the damage of which was due to the inadequate management capabilities of many managers.

So which leads me to this blog.

What do I think a manager should be like to become ascendant in the eyes of their subordinates?

I think that managing in itself is difficult. Unless the manager sees and appreciates the fact that managing is difficult, then he/she will not strive to improve capabilities and therefore achieve ascendancy in the eyes of the many. I have said once too many that getting that promotion is easy... but staying in a position is difficult. Much more, getting promoted again is even more difficult. I guess that's why I am currently stuck as Vice President.

The power of the manager emanates from the people below and above him. Not to mention the relationship he must not undermine with his fellow managers. So surviving and keeping the delicate balance of relationships are crucial for one's survival in the dog eat dog world of corporate life.

It has been mentioned that one cannot please everybody... that is a given. And if that is true, then one must then strive to please at least the majority without necessarily compromising the objectives and goals of the organization. The way I see it, most managers fall into the pit of being too ascendant. Unfortunately, this ascendancy is only based from their personal judgement of themselves. Like they say, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". True. That is why, unless a manager becomes realistic enough to recognize his or her own weaknesses, then they will never truly understand how they can properly utilize their strengths. It is never enough that you are assigned by management to manage. Sooner or later, if you cannot win the hearts and minds of the people under you, then you will be of no use to the organization. Better yet, you might end up making more damage than contribution.

That is why, when I talk about ascendancy, I would mean it from the perspective of the people around you. My mother used to think that I was handsome and I believed her, until I came about the phrase "a face only a mother could love", which made me understand why I had to work harder, strategize better, and put more effort into making myself ascendant... I knew that I had to compensate for a lot of my physical shortcomings. In a nutshell, I have to double my efforts for people to like me since I have recognized that being an asshole only leads to shitty things. he, he...

Management therefore is the delicate play of what the former Vice President calls the "carrot and stick" technique. Punish the guilty, reward the good. Now I say... I believe that the carrot and stick works... but I also believe that the relationship between employee-employer has evolved into something that means that managers are not to treat employees as meer subordinates, or like children for that matter. Information, properly delivered, properly explained goes a long way for a long lasting relationship... and until then... managers who manage likewise cannot expect long lasting relationships... and therefore, objectives will never be met.

Note:

So what's with this blog? The usual, the best way to learn is to make a mistake. I recently made one and paid the price, for that I am both sorry and thankful... now all I can say is... at least I learned something.

the rider carries the bike... not the other way around.

wherever you will go (the calling cover)

I think that this song is everyone's favorite from the Calling. I'd like to thank a good friend of mine, Marcel Magsino from Lipa, Batangas for introducing me to this band... to you my friend!

why i wasn't able to do what i had to...

Every once in a while, we chance upon in life, opportunities that we either grab or turn down. sometimes, there are things that we notice and those that we don't.. Most times, there are those that we ignore and some things we cannot. I guess it's just like a crab on the beach that clamps down on your balls making itself (1) noticeable, (2) grabbable -- damn that doesn't sound right at all and (3) unignorable...

But I guess that just like a crab, everyone of us wants to be noticed, grabbed -- now that sounds better and not ignored. In the sea of events, in the ocean of the human population, how does one get by?

When I was young, I wanted to remain unnoticeable. I didn't want people to notice that I was just like anybody else... a nobody. I just wanted to sit in the corner and stay in my piece of solitary space. (Now I'm starting to sound like someone I used to know) As an only child, I had to content myself being alone. My mother tending to her "carinderia" (very small rural/traditional eating place), and my father (hopefully) keeping the peace and fighting crime.

I wasn't sociable at all. I already know that I was frailer than the average kid, smaller, and my mother, too protective for comfort. So I learned to enjoy solitude, through a box full of cheap toys. I mostly spent my time designing controls for a fighter spacecraft under the kitchen sink, making "tau-tauhans" (small toy soldiers) fight an epic battle, break the kitchen knife by using it on wood so that i could make my own Thompson machine gun the neighborhood kid keeps flaunting and of course, my favorite past time... daydream.

So therefore, most of the reason why i wasn't able to do what i had to was because I spent a lot of time daydreaming. That's with the not so occasional disturbances from life. The kind of stuff that will shake you from your slumber, drag you off your feet kind of event and literally keep you on your toes.

But then again, when all the commotion is over, I go back to my favorite... daydream!

I spent so much time daydreaming when I was younger, that I literally became a half baked person. No singular "core competency" as I'd hear from the academicians, ... just a bunch of stuff that I know that I never became an expert on. I daydreamed about being a rock artist so i learned the guitar... not as good as I hoped to be and I doubt if I eve will. I wanted to be an artist so I learned how to draw, paint and sculpt... again.. the skills aren't above par with some people I know. I wanted to be scholarly... now that's the funny part, I didn't like to study that much about something specific and ultimately would be of no use.. although I must admit, I dreamt that too. I wanted to be like the other musicians who plays piano, and of course I'm just a mediocre piano player...

So every twist and turn of my life and my career was always based on a "daydream"... something I wanted for the moment, something I was obsessed about for a given period of time... something I craved like a delicacy that ultimately will make your taste buds numb...

So now, here I am... Jack of all trades, master of none...

But then again, I look back... and there was almost nothing that I haven't done... and for choosing not do what I had to... I am here... maybe a better person than what my mother had hoped for. For not having subscribed to the things i had to do... but rather, I allowed myself to do what I wanted to.

Note: I am only sorry about some things in life... like not having kept a promise, pretended to be "normal" and not having my parents see me today... the boy they raised. I know that my mother and father belonged to completely opposite poles so i try my best to hopefully make them proud of me, wherever they are.

judging from the looks of it... my son would be a window washer, a professional museum thief, a billboard installer, a gymnast... or the CEO of a top 2000 corporation scaling greater heights...

whatever he chooses, it will be up to him... (I'm crossing my fingers on that one)

the new MANILA FILM CENTER

well, this might be the new look of the Manila Film Center soon enough. (I hope)

Architect Albert Arnaldo was the person responsible for this design.

Managing the unmanageable

The worst part about managing is this that I've written as the title of this post. Somebody once asked me, "how come you seemingly always make the right decision?", and I simply quipped and said, "It is because I have made almost always wrong decisions my entire life." and I guess that makes me an expert on making bad decisions. So naturally, one should take all the mistakes and learn from them.

Being a manager I must admit is terrifying. Acting as leader is even more terrifying. I once gave a leadership seminar and I came across a term called "decidophobia" (or at least that's what I remembered). I think it meant... the fear of making decisions or at the very least, the fear of making a wrong decision.

But sometimes in life, we are asked to decide and be judge to what is right and what is wrong... and then we are asked to implement this judgement and decision to whatever it is that needs to be addressed. Such is life... everyday is plagued with circumstance that needs a decision.

It personally took me two years to understand the difference between the Korean way of doing things in comparison to the world at large. And that was by accident, I learned it watching Discovery Channel's feature on Hyundai's Founder and Chairman. Right there and then, I saw in that feature the very same character as those of my Korean bosses at the time.

And so life went on, with myself caught between managing my way or the Korean way and I have learned to surf in between the two cultures as time lapsed with relative ease. We are anyway famous for our adaptability and resiliency as a people. But like most marriages, problems come every once in a while straining relationships and making life a little bit more difficult. My association with this organization has been a series of ups and downs like a rollercoaster ride. (maybe if I have the pleasure of time, I'd write about them in this blog. Have everything compiled and turn it into a book titled "How Not To Run A Company", he, he.)

--- so fast forward...

Over the past few months, I was not able to understand why there are so many things that goes on without my knowledge or participation. And to me, it wasn't really new. Being the only local guy in management means being the loneliest guy in the company. I am not rank and file, and yet I am not properly assimilated yet into their system. Yes, I said "their system" because I am only partially part of it. Despite the fact that I rose from the ranks, a certain distance must still be kept from them to avoid managerial complications.

Over the past few days, I spent the nights drinking and discussing matters with the other managers. I guess it's just like the scene in koreanovelas where men in suits after office hours would drink soju and discuss about personalities inside the office. I have done this many times, with my Korean managers and my Filipino managers. In fact, I was always adamant about joint discussions so that the "harmony", (my immediate boss') favorite word would someday be reached between all managers, Filipino or Korean.

It is quite difficult, particularly because of the language barrier and the difference in culture. Last night, I was out with my junior managers when one of them decided to walk out on the conversation because I answered his question matter of factly... I called him on the phone and he refuses to answer and insisted that we return to the office to settle matters, then I told him that he has only two recourse, one is apologize for his immature behavior or clear his desk before I arrive at the office... 30-minutes later, he returned to where we were drinking and apologized and the matter rests.

If this was Korea, his action would have been unacceptable. If this was Korea, a senior executive giving him an option would have been inconceivable... but all accounts considered... I am glad that I am still Filipino.


(please forgive me for having written so horribly, I've not written for quite a while)

The Building of my Dreams

The Manila Film Center... the building of my dreams. The first time I set foot at the Manila Film Center was when I was a student at a nearby University. During those days, it was widely known as the Experimental Cinema of the Philippines which featured mostly indie and experimental films both by local and foreign filmmakers. That was about 1985 or so.

The next visit as I remembered was as a faculty member of an exclusive girl's school nearby when we had the showing of "Cry Freedom". I met my ex-girlfriend (he, he, she's now my wife) from that three-year teaching stint and I remembered that we were both in this building at the time...

I have always been fascinated by this place. The grandeur, the majesty, the size and the feeling of awe as it sits right smack the middle of where the sun sets so... well I'm lost for words at the moment... since my office seems to be the best location in this building for viewing the sunset, and I've ran out of words to describe the beauty I see everyday.

The Manila Film Center covers almost a hectare in ground size with seven levels and about 80,000 sq.m. in floor area. Damn, it's a big building.

In the 90's, this building became famous for ghost stories and tales about being condemned and eventually, the government seemed to have lost interest in it's upkeep and ultimately it was to be abandoned for almost a decade.

(I had no idea that one day, I would hold office in this place. Little did I know that I would have to live inside this "ghost building" for almost three months with the Art Department people, the construction crew and the local "residents".)

My next visit....was in October of 2001... I was then the musical director of the show, the art director and the art department manager. The building was in total disarray, the carpet was almost powder, there was a stench to the building that made me feel dizzy, there was no electricity, no water, no urinals, and no toilet bowl. The stage had gaping holes everywhere with the underside filled with dirty water as well as the orchestra pit. There were rubbish everywhere and at the time I was thinking... this would take a lot of man-hour to simply clean up, not to mention, fix.

But the place was delightfully pleasing... it seemed at the time an adventure and a challenge to make the building habitable in a month's time. Make office spaces, rehabilitate the theatre, set up the sound system, lighting system and most importantly organize a company.

The initial lease of the building covered three years, then it was followed with a yearly renewal of the lease. Three years ago, we pursued our dream of keeping the building to ourselves for a longer lease period and a couple of days ago, we finally signed a long term contract with the government... (and that is why, at this time, I may start a blog)

April 11, 2007 signing of the MOA between

Amazing Philippine Theatre and

the Cultural Center of the Philippines

(present were, front -- CCP Administration Director

Tess Rances, CCP President Nestor Jardin,

APT Chairman of the Board Lee Jong Hyun,

APT President Iron Chang, 2nd row -- CCP's Oscar Villanueva,

APT Vice President Casie Villarosa & APT Executive Secretay William Lee)

Gettin this building was more than difficult, it was a tedious amount of work and patience for almost two and a half years. The waiting game was what almost killed us and our interest. But that is why I always say that patience is a virtue... and that to dream is free, so make sure that we dream big!

On our fourth-year show anniversary, I delivered a speech to the employees in behalf of management to which I said...

Four years ago, they said that we were crazy...
Four years ago, they said that we will surely fail...
Four years ago, they said that in 6 months of operations, we will have to fold
Four years ago, everybody expected us to lose face...

Four years.... and we are still here.

Not only did we survive the last four years but we have expanded our operations from one company to nine companies nationwide... because despite the hardships, the challenges, we never planned on making just a company or a corporation... we shall someday build an empire... and this building, is the symbol of that empire.

smooth

i love the songs from santana's supernatural...

again... corazon espinado

I went gugu, over this wonderful song which, I really did not understand. My apologies to the Spanish speaking people of the world.... I really just liked it and I tried my best to sing in Spanish.

here's another depressing song

matchbox 20's 3 a.m. damn I love this song...

a glimpse of the past ... 2003

so, it's the usual thing... i'm going over some files in this pc and found an interesting document. After I've read it, i guess i feel as if I'm going through the same thing again this year. This document was never meant to be made public but i guess that it would make interesting posting considering that it's all in the past and i'll have to edit out some things like names and details... aptly enough, the title of the document is...

Personal Notes of the General Manager and Executive Slave

July 4, 2003

In the almost two years of stay in this company, my life has twisted and turned in the frenzy of excitement, anticipation, apprehension, fear and all the other chopsuey emotion one can think of. In this very frenzy world of corporate theatre (well, that’s what I’d like to think), my life rotates around periods of severe ups and severe downs. Yesterday and today, amidst a physical dilemma (son of a bitch, my body hurts so bad, my ass seemingly has learned how to talk as it involuntarily convulses and pulsates) and personal problems, I had to respond to the position paper of former employees who filed a case with the Labor Department.

In the everyday operations of this theatre, with over 130 employees and the insurmountable task of facing most of the problems head on, I wonder to myself if it is justifiable or fair for myself to remain hush about my accomplishments and my contribution to this company vis-à-vis the amount of compensation and benefits I get.

Not that I want to broadcast this, it’s just that this company has taken over my life in totality. When I sit behind my desk in this office and I pounce on work documents, when I sit in the engineer’s booth of my home recording studio, all I do is work… I’m in the brink of losing the one good thing that ever happened to me… for what? For a company that can’t even provide me a decent personal computer, decent furnishings for my office, and yes, a nice desk wouldn’t be bad. But I wouldn’t want to sound like an ingrate. I do enjoy my work and the work that’s way beyond the call of duty. I am still able to do things I like with a little sacrifice on the amount of sleep and quality time with my loved ones.

July 5, 2003

Look at it this way. I have no complaints about the treatment I get in this office. In fact, my professional motto of “treat me right or pay me right” is more or less applicable here. The treatment is ok. The pay? Well, that one goes for the records. With the amount of responsibility I have in this company, double my present compensation wouldn’t even be close to the word “fair”. My question to myself, or maybe more for my superiors would be… “Do they have an idea what hell I go through everyday?”

When I started the management seminars for the company, I was so optimistic that in less than a year, I can turn things around by surrounding myself with competent and disciplined managers. I guess I was overly optimistic in reference to that.

Last July 1, 2003, I had a call from the office with the confusion over the new time schedule. God damn it, I had that memo ready a week in advance when one of the executives lost the document altogether. If I had been the one who lost the document, I would have been in deep shit.

My dream? To be surrounded by competence. The same amount of competence I’ve exhibited in the last two years in running this company. Unfortunately, my competence right now is in question as it steadily sinks into the mud hole of hopelessness. The pay wouldn’t be a question in my mind if I can rely on delegation assuming that I have the competent people I need, but I don’t.

I don’t even expect my vice president to fully understand what I go through. Bottom line, I feel that the term equality is nothing but lip service for now.

Rest would perhaps solve some of my problems but it is at the moment inconceivable considering I cannot guarantee that my managers can make the right decisions.

The really bad part of it is the fact that I am starting to dislike myself with the new personality that I am starting to develop. Some people may misinterpret it as arrogance or whatever, but the thing is I miss my old self. I want to be able to smile and laugh again from the heart. I want to make love without having office matters cross my thoughts. I want to finish the album I started two years ago before I joined this company. I want just compensation for my efforts. I want to get what I deserve!


July 6, 2003

Last night while having coffee at the coffee shop, I saw ________ sneak into the theatre like the slithering slime that he is. (note... we have already made up and apologized to each other and we are friends once again and looks at this episode with a laugh) I had him thrown out of the building because the Vice President would have freaked if he found out about it and the fact that he is not welcomed here anymore. I have been more than fair with him during his incumbency as Costume Designer. Today he sent me some very vindictive text messages, which I suppose I could add to my collection of fan mail. – Mwa ha ha!

I am tired. I am very tired. I am not happy anymore. The United Nations was better. I hated my Boss but I got compensated well. I had week ends, I had a life outside of work. My home studio is better. Sometimes I get shit pay, sometimes I hit an ore, but I am at home with my kid everyday. We could swim and play everyday.

I am tired. I am overworked. I am underpaid. I am burning out. It’s the perfect recipe for ending a career.

I have finally printed out my resignation letter. That means that in about a month’s time, I’d need to be able to secure a job. One that hopefully pays well and won’t freak me out.


July 9, 2003

I just came from the NLRC where I am respondent to _____ and ________’s case against this company for Constructive Dismissal. I was afflicted for the past two days with a flu virus and my body hurts like hell. The long drive to QC in the middle of the scourging sun isn’t a big help at all. (I did not have a car during those days, I'm a motorcycle guy)

Over what seemed like a weekend of being sick, I finally had the chance to recheck perspectives both that of mine, and my friends. I was told the following:

1. I do not think that the Koreans are expecting that you deliver as much as you do. Most of the pressures that you encounter now are mostly self-imposed pressures like deadlines and outputs. You have always been like this even with your previous employment, that is why at the back of your mind you expect adequate compensation or at the very least you expect recognition. When the time comes and you burn out, your tendency is to resign or quit.

2. I think that you take your job too seriously. Too serious that you tend to choose between it and your personal life.

3. I think that you demand too much of yourself and in the process your expectations and demands from others are as high.

In response to all these perspectives, what I can say are the following:

It is true that I have a certain standard that I bear in mind when I am on the job. However, I believe that it should not be taken against a person if his standards are higher than most people expect. If I may say so, I could deliver just the right amount of output and if need be, base it on the amount of compensation I receive. Therefore, I shall expect that I will have mediocre outputs. And in so doing I cannot expect non-mediocre outputs from everyone else therefore making myself a mediocre General Manager and Executive Director of a mediocre company.

In retrospect however, I believe that the company should not be so blind and insensitive as to the wants and desires of individuals who has striven for the last two years. Bottom line, I do not think that they are. It just so happens that the Vice-President’s “style” of management is the “Konti-konti” and “dahan-dahan” approach, which unfortunately also applies to me -- as if my loyalty and work is in question.

Today, the two Korean Executives went to my office to say that all personnel including themselves are reducing salaries this coming salary cycle. I feel more than irritated but I have made the simple option of staying or going.


August 18, 2003

It has been quite a while since I’ve written something on this log. It’s primarily because the most of the issues have been resolved. I had a drinking spree with the Vice President upon his return from Korea and I freaked with the issues I had at hand. The reply was fairly comical but true… we are all crazy and we all want to be successful but at what price? A week later I am promoted to Executive General Manager along with the promotion of the other Executive Staff where the company also provided additional benefits. Not so much though, but it is a start.

I had to eat a lot of my pride because I really did not like the idea of “griping” when it comes to compensation and I cannot be Machiavellian about it by saying that the end justifies the means. I still feel sore and I hope that they are as sore as I am for I wouldn’t want to go through this again.


October 19, 2003

After having spent about two weeks straight in Cebu last September (where I spent my birthday) and the trip to Leyte for a meeting with the Mayor and Samar with the Chairman and the President, all of a sudden I started feeling empty again. Perhaps it was related to having accomplished something big in Cebu and then being confronted by the same situations we have here in Manila.

The past few days were quite depressing knowing that the Manila office will soon be encountering a host of problems… November 1, pending salary increases, promotions etc. Last night, the other Executives asked me as to what my feelings were in relation to the up and coming November 1 dilemma. I honestly responded by saying that the date is an official public holiday and an important religious occasion for the Filipinos. It is unfortunate that the date will fall on a Saturday making it difficult to decide on whether or not to declare a 3-day holiday for the company.

The other executives decided to give November 2 as the holiday so that they may enjoy two consecutive rest days. However, knowing that most of the employees will most probably absent themselves on the 1st of November, they also decided that the salary for the end of October be given on November 1. Failure to get their salaries will mean that they can get their salaries on the 15th of November.

I was basically squirming out of my seat knowing that as the official deliverer of bad news, I will have to be ready for the inevitable. Considering that I am already apprehensive of the situation, I think that my facial expression and reaction has conveyed much of my feelings to the other executives, most specially the President.

It was at that point that the President baffled me with his words. He started commenting on how the Koreans are of no respect to the cultures and traditions of this country, and that as foreigners, they should all go back to Korea if they cannot respect the culture of this country. At that point, all I could mutter was “I do not understand…”, in reference to the conflicting statement of the President spaced between but a few seconds of time.

Finally, the President explained that that was how he personally felt but it was the other Koreans’ decision to pursue the November 1 issue. He said that it was stupid for the company’s top brass executives to be discussing about the issue in the first place since it is a legal holiday in the country. In the long run, the President explained that the cost benefit analysis of pushing employees to the limit is costlier if we lose the respect and the loyalty of the employees. He gave examples of theft, which has occurred in the company related to the salary cuts implemented during the SARS period.

At this point, given my total agreement with his sentiments, I interjected with a question… “Why don’t we just pay the employees 150% on the said date so that we can expedite the matter at hand?” At this point, the President pointed to all the executives except himself to make final the decisions including that of other matters that were raised during the discussion inclusive of the PA department’s salary increase, the Wardrobe ASM’s salary increase and Stanley Flores’ promotion.

It is at least a sigh of relief that I am finally given a bargaining chip and that I can at least have a fighting chance to remedy the situation. I will be setting the meeting on Tuesday so that we may finalize the decision on the matter.

Today, I will meet the Director Staff regarding the possibility of holding the Search for Amazing Beauty earlier.

--- after having read these things that i have written almost five years ago, and after finally learning a little about blogging... (thanks to a most special friend), I now feel a little better... I don't exactly know why, but I do.

continuation of ... in life...

POOF.... everything just leveled off... Now how could that be?

I have always believed in the credo that one should never wait for things to happen... one must make things happen. But I guess that my boredom stems from the fact that right now, if I make things happen... so many will have to get hurt or affected at the least. That's the problem with being higher up in the food chain, the higher you go, the more people are affected with what you do. I miss being a rebel! Damn, those were the miserably happy days. Now I have to content myself with just being miserable most of the tiem and waiting and/or just allowing things to happen. I'll give it a year more... and if nothing is there to make things change.. if it's the same for you I'll just HANG... damn, that's a nice intro for a song...




i was so drunk and depressed the night i recorded this that it's rubbish.

push the edited version

the fun part about being bored is that i got time to work on my videos and keep in touch with my band every once in a while... this is the edited version of our matchbox 20 cover "push"

our version of push

in life

In life,.. there are generally some milestones, cornerstones or just jagged-edged sharp stones that one must face, conquer or run away from... I've faced some... conquered some or most of the time were cut into shreds from. that's me. That's generally how i view life.

I was born to a relatively poor family in the outskirts of this metropolis, my father a policeman and my mother a small entrepreneur. I grew up not wealthy but relatively well off considering my neighborhood standard. If you knew where I lived, then you'll understand.

Almost all my life, I thought that I wouldn't amount to anything better than a regular employee whose main preoccupation in life would be "griping", sour graping, or in other words a prophet of angst. Maybe because i started life a little bit disadvantaged from the start compared to the peers in the environment where I was from..

Most of the jobs I held, I hated... simply because I couldn't cope with the "standards" set by the people around me. With standards I meant that "culture" cultivated by the people inside an organization. Be it that "the more titles and diplomas you have, then the more successful you shall become" or "I am the Boss, the master, the Lord King and you are just hired help". So one day, I decided that I shouldn't work anymore... well not for a particular someone anyway and that I would become master of myself. Blah, blah, blah, blah... yes, dream on kid. Of course, anyone here knows that that is virtually impossible unless you have been blessed with RICH parents, but even that is no guarantee... and believe me, I've seen so many of my peers grow up rich and ends up mediocre or worse... struggling to survive.

I am still master of angst... there are so many things I would love to change but I cannot... primarily because it is beyond me, but most probably because I wouldn't want to... When my parents left me for a better place some thirteen years ago... they didn't leave any material things that I can start with... instead I inherited "diabetes" and "sinusitis" of which I need not share to anyone because I was an only child... but they did leave me with some other valuable stuff for which I thank them most dearly... my mother's 2nd cousin, who acted as my "mother" since the time she passed and who has done a wonderful job keeping me in line, an education which I can boast of having survived knowing and feeling that I was almost always out of place because of my economic standing in society, and most importantly the values which has kept me in the right place always... some of them good values, the others... well let's just say that I try to keep the bad ones in check.

At about the time I decided that I wouldn't want to work for anyone anymore, fate came my way through a godchild of mine who said that a group of foreigners wanted to put up a theatre business in the Philippines. I was hesitant at first but then again, I needed the job, even if I literally was in self denial at the time. So two years and three months to my hiring date and after several promotions, I am now where I am. That was three years ago and now I feel like I am stuck again....

And maybe that's why I wanted to start a blog... because I am bored to death of my life since I got so used to working and being rewarded for it that all of a sudden.... (to be continued...)