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photography by joey dela vega
In the past years, I have grown disillusioned due to the fact that I have already given up on so many aspirations in relation to my dying career in this company. Lately, it has already consumed a better part of me.
Melancholy has taken the part of me that was in the first place supposedly my drive-provider when it comes to making career decisions. In my forties, I have learned well that not everything in life is for the taking and therefore seemingly “available” things are not really for free.
This state has however reduced me to a lump of potato sack with the lesser amount of willingness to go on. But allow me to clarify that earlier statement… when I say statements pertinent to being under-driven, it doesn’t at all mean that I become inutile to the point of uselessness. It usually means that my mental state turns apathetic in relation to my career objectives and my personal sake. I do however remain more productive than the average Joe.
Several weeks ago, I placed my proposals on top of the Chairman’s table for his perusal. Several weeks ago, he arrives from a foreign trip and told me that he was already thinking about the businesses I proposed. Today, I am still waiting and I won’t know how long the wait would last.
In the meantime, I busy myself with another proposal for a new business entirely out of my character. And that is to simply comply with proposing a business that is both “normal” and profitable… manageable? Well, we’ll have to see.
In the meantime as well, I fear that I have wasted my time, financial resources and effort in making those proposals knowing that getting a proposal through would not only be tough but improbable given that our polarities really rarely meets in the first place.
Unfortunately, making a proposal is not merely an academic exercise, not for me anyway. The risk of putting up your emotion at the front line of a possible disappointment is something that I am part of that high-risk demographic. The virtue that made me successful over these years is the same virtue that has ruined me in my earlier years, and basic life know-how says… life is a wheel and that I am destined to be put down once again.
For the life of me, I do not know what has to be done. Or more so, the extent of what I am willing to do. For those who think that they know things, they are probably more ignorant than I am…
Merry Christmas…
Some people I know frown upon the idea of gun ownership. And I suppose that they’d frown even more that I am teaching my daughter about guns. That’s roughly about 20% of the people I know.
My simple anecdote for gun ownership is simple. It’s like having a fire extinguisher in the house, hoping that you’d never have to use it. If it would be simple, then I’d advocate for having fire extinguisher practice ranges. That’s because the only difference is that gun ownership requires a tremendous amount of responsibility and having a gun in the house isn’t as easy as one might think.
Guns are items of curiosity for most everyone, and as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. That’s why when time permits I bring my family to the range for some familiarization time with guns. I believe that the most dangerous gun owners are those who never go to the range… they hear some pitter patter on the roof and they think that it’s a robber who needs to be shot. Why is that? Because they’re suppressed beings who decided to buy a weapon and never took the time to actually “play” with it in a safe environment. – That’s right it’s play because it’s fun. So the next time you fire your weapon, point it on the target board with a smile.
Then came along the ballet lessons where she was so pretty on the stage of her recitals but it was unfortunate that it was something I couldn't exactly relate to. I loved it when she was taking tae kwon do lessons despite the fact that I am only an absolute master in the art of “sayonachi” (sa’yo na tsinelas ko or roughly translated, you can have my slippers).
At age eight, I brought her to the firing range to experience firing a weapon hoping that she’d take to it. Unfortunately, my busy work life wasn’t permissive enough to make that happen. Since then, she’d taken to guitars, the piano and singing and I absolutely loved the fact that I started her on the music path although I know that it won’t be a prospected career. We also tried golf, but we’re just too poor to actually afford it.
Point is… parenting for Mica has been a wonderful experience. She is in no way perfect, but we share so much in common and she thrives on the learning experiences that she is my perfect daughter. And it has been a wonderful journey of bonding for us.
In hindsight, I now know what he was at. He simply wanted to tell to me, as well as reassure his insecure self that he is the powerful one. People like such are usually the ones who have nothing to offer this beautiful planet but their unsolicited arrogance. They are usually without skill, without passion and without soul. Much like self-proclaimed “artists”, “managers”, etc. whose skill level is non-reflective of what they profess.
I only have a handful of people I personally know who is afflicted by this disease. Mostly from my past life who has catapulted me to become what I am. And I also have a few up and coming ones whom I know will allow me the opportunity to better myself in the near future.
Sad to say, one remains competitive only with competition. Without competition, why compete?
In my world, I believe that in–house competition is good to a certain extent. However, sometimes, it becomes an exercise in futility, a waste of precious energy and mostly a routine without effort. I mean for G’s sake, if I needed to compete then at least give me competition with the same skill level or higher. That is to make my effort worthwhile and the forthcoming victory celebration worthy of the tag.
Unfortunately, the competition becomes one-sided simply because the other thing most of these people have aside from their insecurities and arrogance is their money. Now you simply will find it hard to fight with that.
Now in the ideal world, if the playing fields were even, then we’d only be looking at core competencies… or the lack of it…