Ang tatay ko... (My father)

my tatay and nanay on my wedding day



It has been sixteen years to the day when I lost the one person in my life who understands me the most. My father.

The day he was laid to rest, I kept in his room for more than a week... only trying to lock to memory that familiar scent he had reminding me of how he was while he was with me.

My father was the wisest man I know. Usually quiet and reserved but always arrogant when he talks about his son. Sometimes I'd be shy when I hear about how he exaggerates my small accomplishments, but I guess that's how fathers are.

I miss my father... I miss my TATAY! He was always there at my lowest points, and he was there to celebrate my finer points. I've been an orphan for 16 years... and I still remember every wise verse he'd said. At this lowest point, I wish he were here to say something wise... then I'd be okay.

Mahal na mahal kita, 'tay.

my new life

Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

The Scorpion and the Frog

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

source: http://allaboutfrogs.org/stories/scorpion.html

beaten to a pulp!

A couple of weeks ago, the tech team went for an overnight work schedule to install the new finale sequence set up. It was suppose to be a non incidence until my security officer told me that there was some commotion outside...

I went out to check the situation and I was approached by two burly men who said that it was "nothing", just a fight between two Koreans. I said that they should be fighting somewhere else and turned them over to Pasay Station's PCP1.

Later, I heard that they had to be released because the aggrieved party did not want to file a complaint.

the year that was...

I couldn't blog because I have nothing good to say... I needed to diffuse the feeling so that I wouldn't regret saying what I wanted to so I figured I just needed to explain that to myself and blog about my incapacity to blog lately.

It was one hell of a year... and somehow I feel that this year is no good either or worse even...

So here's three videos to sample the year that was...

pistol shooting lesson for mica 102

Mica's 2nd session on pistol shooting turns out pretty well with consistent hits on the target boards.

Videos





Pictures







photography by joey dela vega

Intervention at a price

In the past years, I have grown disillusioned due to the fact that I have already given up on so many aspirations in relation to my dying career in this company. Lately, it has already consumed a better part of me.

Melancholy has taken the part of me that was in the first place supposedly my drive-provider when it comes to making career decisions. In my forties, I have learned well that not everything in life is for the taking and therefore seemingly “available” things are not really for free.

This state has however reduced me to a lump of potato sack with the lesser amount of willingness to go on. But allow me to clarify that earlier statement… when I say statements pertinent to being under-driven, it doesn’t at all mean that I become inutile to the point of uselessness. It usually means that my mental state turns apathetic in relation to my career objectives and my personal sake. I do however remain more productive than the average Joe.

Several weeks ago, I placed my proposals on top of the Chairman’s table for his perusal. Several weeks ago, he arrives from a foreign trip and told me that he was already thinking about the businesses I proposed. Today, I am still waiting and I won’t know how long the wait would last.

In the meantime, I busy myself with another proposal for a new business entirely out of my character. And that is to simply comply with proposing a business that is both “normal” and profitable… manageable? Well, we’ll have to see.

In the meantime as well, I fear that I have wasted my time, financial resources and effort in making those proposals knowing that getting a proposal through would not only be tough but improbable given that our polarities really rarely meets in the first place.

Unfortunately, making a proposal is not merely an academic exercise, not for me anyway. The risk of putting up your emotion at the front line of a possible disappointment is something that I am part of that high-risk demographic. The virtue that made me successful over these years is the same virtue that has ruined me in my earlier years, and basic life know-how says… life is a wheel and that I am destined to be put down once again.

For the life of me, I do not know what has to be done. Or more so, the extent of what I am willing to do. For those who think that they know things, they are probably more ignorant than I am…

Merry Christmas…